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entry 1 – day 125

nocosmicmeaning_anaisnin

hi there. welcome.

so, this is it, huh? my big ol’ jump into the blogosphere… the new kid on the block, but also just another fish in the sea.

i’ve written and rewritten this first post countless times in my head, hyping it up to be something much bigger than it really is, when i’m really only doing this for myself as a means of a digital diary / accountability log.

without further ado, i’d like to formally introduce myself in hope of finding myself somewhere along the way. my name is kristin and i’m a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a college graduate and (under the guise of all these roles over the last ten years) an alcoholic who suffers from acute depression.

still feels so “out of body” like, saying those last few words aloud and/or reading this profound declaration about myself. it’s incredibly painful yet incredibly liberating to finally have these admissions and to know that i’ve lifted that veil of not-so-secrecy.

it’s painful because for so long i didn’t want this to be true, because it was so easy and became so routine to nurture this beastly demon, let it grow, and basically let it devour me. on the other hand, it’s extremely liberating to have jumped over that fence, to have hit the ground running — running like a bat out of hell — straight towards the path towards recovery. it’s been 125 days since i had my “forever last drink” and i haven’t looked back since.

so, welcome aboard to my personal journey towards recovery, as i steer my vessel of a body through this hurricane we call life, with both sober eyes and a more perceptive mind. i’m beyond ready to start writing this new chapter in the novel that is my life; to unlearn all of my negative and destructive habits that i established as both a wet and a dry drunk, and remembering how to create again. create with my hands, my words, my mind and most importantly: my heart.

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